Breaking Free

Breaking Free is a book that I got for my birthday from my mom, written by Beth Moore. I was excited when I got it because I was feeling caught in the desert and desperately needed some guide to bring me back to a closer relationship with my Savior. I had been trying to read the Bible but found it very difficult to find meaning in it. It just seemed like the same old stories and words I’ve read many times before. Sound familiar?

In the first chapter of this book, Beth talks about the things that can lead us to such a place in our spiritual lives. Those things are pride, idolatry, unbelief, and legalism. I’m not much of a legalist but I do struggle with pride, idolatry and unbelief. Beth makes the statement, “To be free in Christ our high places have to fall. We must be willing to take a stand against idolatry.” Error number one. My time is spent in any number of ways, but my first priority is not God.

As far as pride goes, there are many ways this can surface. This morning, Teresa Stanley talked to us about forgiveness and not holding onto bitterness and anger. One thing she mentioned was that one of the hardest things she’s had to do is forgive herself. I can relate to her completely!!! That is the root of many of my current struggles and issues. I did not grow up in an easy environment and have been hurt by many people, as many others have, but I do not hold any grudges and have extended grace to those who have hurt me. But when it comes to forgiving myself for how I dealt with the healing process and who I was through a season of depression, I find it extremely difficult.

When Ray talked about the way we reflect who we are (the mirror thing), the wheels got turning in my head. I tried to fit the pieces together of the crazy cycle I’m always in. I have a hard time forgiving myself for who I was for a period of time.  Because I have a hard time letting go of who I was in my deepest valley, in my head,  others also have a hard time doing so, (and I then think) they will not see me as the person I am today.  So I am reflecting how “I” feel onto them, therefore, thinking they feel the same way. In reality, that’s probably not the case at all. Are you with me?

Pride is a big part of this mess. Why? Because I want to be well thought of. I don’t want to be remembered for the messy, emotional person I was. If you’ve read my book, then you’d be surprised that I still struggle this way because I revealed everything! Maybe I thought if I confessed all, I’d be free from it. But as Beth said, “To be free in Christ our high places have to fall.”

I think my struggles right now stem from not putting Christ first in everything. Back to the basics for me! I’ll keep you posted on my journey through this book.

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